Monday, April 25, 2016
Motherhood What is Beauty?
"Mom please don't pull my bangs back everyone will see my birth mark and make fun of me."
Those were the words my 7 year old daughter told me today as we got ready for church. I wanted to pin back her bangs so I could see those baby blues but instead she started to cry.
Now its not uncommon for my little 7 year old to break down in tears she is a girl. Yes I said it my 7 year old daughter is your common teenager with feelings. Normally I send her to her dad when I can't figure out what has upset her so much she cries.
However today was different. She was crying because she didn't feel she was beautiful and people would make fun of her. I pulled my hair back and showed her a small clump of skin cells that is on my face. It has been there since I was a newborn baby and the only way to get rid of it is cutting a 1\2 inch scare across my face and down my face than digging it out leaving a large scar. So enough said I have lived with it and the questions kids, adult and even my little ones would ask "Mom what is that?"
I used to hid my face with my long hair hoping no one would notice my major "Flaw." Now as a grown woman I don't even notice it because it is what makes me Heidi. It is one of many things I view as beautiful because "flaws" to one person is beautiful to another. It took my years to get to that point and I still struggle every day.
I tried to explain she is beautiful and how I love to see her pretty blue eyes. Instead they simply filled with tears breaking my heart wide open. I knew nothing I said would make a difference. I took her hand and ask if she could be brave enough to go downstairs and see what her dad thinks of her bangs being away from her face.
She found her dad who I swear could read minds. He gushed about her hair being back but that still didn't stop the next set of tears and once again my heart broke.
My 7 year old beautiful girl doesn't think she is beautiful because of her flaws.
How many times have I pointed out my flaws to myself. Tearing myself apart because I am not thin enough, my breast are too small, my hips are to big, my face is to dry, my hair is to funky. I might not have said them loud but she heard them loud and clear. I tear myself down but expect my daughter to think she is beautiful no matter what. That can't happen I am her example of beauty and if I don't find myself beautiful how can I expect her my little 7 year old to find herself beautiful.
She ended up pulling the clip out and once again covering her very light birthmark.
How do I tell my daughter that flaws are beautiful when I find myself unable to see my own beauty?
Being a mother one of the hardest jobs I have ever had.
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